1st Chapter : Sinner What is a sin? By definition, a sin is supposedly ‘a transgression of a religious or moral law, especially when deliberate’. But is that really a sin? If so, then what happened that day…what happened to her must have been a sin. It wasn’t deliberate, nonetheless, I must be a sinner…right? An unwilling devil’s advocate, dealing out vile punishments to the innocent while the wicked run free…yes, that is my reality, I suppose. But one can’t help but wonder…can absolution be attained? Is it even in the nature of such a crime to allow redemption? In other words…can sins be forgiven? No. The voices roared in unison, forcing him back into the darkness. Howls of fury filled the air when he showed no sign of pain. An invisible force slammed into him, forcing him back in shock. Bile rising up in his throat, he wiped away a trickle of blood oozing from a cut near his lip. He found himself staring at his stained hand oddly after pulling it back from the wound. There was no way to stop the curiosity, wondering if this crimson trail upon his face was part of the path that would lead him to the end. Turning his gaze to the elegant silver dirk before him, he bluntly ignored the voice of reason that demanded to know where the blade had come from. Instead, his hand found the hilt and slowly picked it up. Brushing his fingers lightly against the runes engraved in the blade, he smiled gently. The edge of the dirk found its way to his wrist, pressing gently as one of the many voices spoke up.
You know, you’ve been here every night… It whispered in his head. Even parts of the day…the guilt, the pain, the suffering, don’t you want it all to end? It was easy to agree with this seemingly rational voice, so filled with compassion and sympathy. It knows my pain…my suffering…it understands.
"It’s okay to die, then?" Another voice asked in response.
"What?" He replied.
"That’s what you’re saying." The voice replied, decidedly feminine with a warmth that somehow drew him away from the darkness and the voices. " ‘It’s okay to die’…do you honestly believe that?"
"Why shouldn’t I?" He replied. "Of course, it’s okay… More than anything, I believe that. I don’t deserve to keep living."
"If you believe that so wholeheartedly, then why are you still here? Why only now are you giving in?"
"What is there left to live for? What is there left to fight for, to die for? Nothing…no one…to continue living without her is too painful to bear."
"Then in dying, you will render a disservice to the dead."
"How? I’m just-"
"Giving up. And after all that she’s taught you? If you have learned nothing from her life, her memory, even her death, then you have truly betrayed her."
"But after what I did? She would hate me."
"She could never hate you. Never have you committed a crime, at least not against her. Besides, you have done everything within your power to see her…to preserve her memory. Isn’t that enough? ‘To live is to fight’…wouldn’t she want you to keep going?"
A few seconds ago, he would have given anything to hear that mysterious female’s voice vanish as quickly as it had appeared. But the strength that her spirit possessed seemed to drive off the shadows around him. It washed over him gently like a wave, cleansing his spirit and lifting his soul. The hope she voiced filled his body with renewed strength, brought back some sense to his deranged mind. To die is the first step in another journey…one that I’m not prepared to take.
Apparently, the voices in the background didn’t appreciate the herald of hope as much as he had. They pushed her presence back with ease as they surged forward, desperate to renew his anguish. He cried out in shock, begging her not to go. His actions proved futile as her voice became lost to him in the sea of voices. No one can help you…They hissed around him. It’s just us now…He felt the air forced out of his lungs as a particularly harsh blow connected with his stomach. He crashed to his knees as they continued their vile task, tearing away at any part of him they could damage. His heart, his mind, his soul, nothing was safe from their torturous touch. "Haven’t you destroyed enough?" He inquired, swiping angrily at the never-ending darkness. "Every night we go through this and every night, it becomes that much harder to endure. Will this never end? Do you crave my doom so desperately?"
If they had a response to that question, it would not reach his ears this night. They continued about their business, laughing cruelly as the waves of pain coursed through his veins without mercy. There’s no end to this nightmare, he finally realized. They will never let me be. Getting up, he launched a weak punch into the darkness. Stumbling forward, the laughter grew in volume as images of that day assaulted his mind. How dare they! He clutched his head in agony, rage tearing through him as the memories returned. Memories of her. Her smile, her tears, her pain, everything came rushing back to him in that instant. She had always influenced him in ways beyond his comprehension. The love she had constantly shown him affected him even after she left his life. Such wonderful thoughts should never have been used to bring about this horrible nightmare. But the demons within one’s mind are cunning, devilish beasts. They know how to create such wicked thoughts out of the purest of memories. Why can’t you see? They asked. It was you who created the path to her destruction. "I did not do this!" He cried out, his voice cracking as doubt crept back into his thoughts. "It wasn’t my fault!" Oh, but it is. They continued. The events of that day were set into motion long before that moment. They were set the day you were foolish enough to think you were normal. They were set into motion the day you stepped into her life, the very day you were born. Are you so naïve to think that her doom was decided by one man? By a coincidence? No, her doom was written the day she met you. "End your lies!" He cried out. "I have not lived through fire and blackness to be cut down by your empty words!" Traitor. The voices replied, paying no head to his rebuttal. Liar! Sinner! Devil’s spawn! How is it that you are alive why she is not? "It’s not my fault!" He screamed in response, angry tears brimming in despairing eyes. "She wouldn’t have wanted me to die!"
Yet because of you, she is dead. You, the one who swore to never let harm reach her…you were the bane of her existence. How could you not deserve death…murderer…? "No…It can’t be my fault…" He fell to his knees, clutching his head in a futile attempt to keep the voices at bay. Please…why isn’t anyone here anymore? He pressed his hands harder against his head as the sounds drowned out his very thoughts.
As if she had read his mind, a hand reached out to him reassuringly. Raising his head, he stared blankly at it before a voice called out to him.
I’ve been here…the girl whispered almost timidly. Despite her quietness, she still possessed the strength and courage he had lost so long ago. Reaching forward, he grasped it and smiled a ghost of a smile as she pulled him forward out of the light. White shores cut across clear waters before him, light shimmering down on the waves. The Oraethian Sea…the waters that separate this world from the next…does this mean I died? Repeating his question aloud, he frowned as no response reached his ears. He turned to see if his vision had any merit. Expecting to see the Illiraeyuin forest, he found himself pleasantly surprised to see the darkness still behind him. I’m still alive…but do I want to go forward. A thin smile graced his bloodstained lips. Do I even have to ask that? Wiping away the blood on his face, he took his first step upon the sandy shore. Immediately, he found himself off the ground and flying over the water at an alarming rate. Panicked, he turned to see the darkness long gone and the coast a mere line across the horizon. "Don’t worry. I’ll always be here…I’ve been waiting for you." She said with confidence. He flicked his head in response, looking for the source of her voice. "You have?" He asked. "Ever have I waited here…" She responded, a strange element within the power of her voice. Hope. "Why?" "For you…I’ve been waiting for you…"
"For me?" "Yes. Don’t forget…if you come here, you will find me."
"Really…?"
"I promise…" We moved to the city when I was four. Everything was so big and new…so terrifyingly different from everything I had ever known. But…you were looking at me, reaching your hand out to grasp mine. Your smile was so sincere, so tranquil. The world wasn’t so daunting when you smiled, when I was with you. For the first time, I felt safe…no, I had always felt safe with you. Like I was home… That day was the absolute worst day I had ever known. I never argued with you until then…I was just so angry, so stupid. I wanted one thing, you wanted another, it all boiled down to the fact that I was too selfish to say goodbye when you walked out the door. You, the person who had done more than anyone else ever had for me…and I couldn’t muster up the courage to say just a simple goodbye to you, just that one time. I didn’t think about the next time I would see. I just couldn’t bear to see you. So you walked out the door…and never came home. The next time I saw you…I couldn’t help but turn away. You were so cold then, so still. You wouldn’t even make a sound. I wanted so badly to hear your voice. I wanted you to call my name… "Will you come?" She asked, her worry evident as her voice faded slowly into the silence. Call my name…I need another chance. "Yes…" Second Chapter : Run People run for many a reason: to gain strength, to live to fight another day, and most of all, to escape from something they can’t handle. No one ever runs towards something, no matter how hard they try. You never could find something to run towards with that shadow that haunted your every moment. You never once questioned why you kept running. You never saw the meaning of the darkness within. I want to stop running. I want to dream that reclusive dream. "It’s so bright…" He whispered, ruing the moment as he opened his eyes. It could have been enough to deal with the fact that he was STILL falling. But no, he still opened his eyes. The light...it burns... Laughter filled the air as he closed his eyes once more. Remind me how on Raea this could be funny. Sighing in frustration, he flipped over and landed on his feet. I landed…? Scratch that, he thought, looking down to the infinite whiteness. Glancing up, he searched furtively for the source of the laughter. His search proved futile when he only found more white nothing. He couldn’t help but thank it. That person…no, she had saved him. That mysterious girl had not even known him but still, she risked so much to rescue him from the shadows. "Can you hear me?" She asked gently. "What happened?" He shot back, confusion clouding his mind with doubt. "Ah…you can hear me." She replied, ignoring his need for answers. "That’s an improvement." "Where are you?" "Right here." He whipped his head up. The first thing he was pleased was the lack of blinding light surrounding him. The light before had been so harsh and cold. It made him feel as though all the happiness in the world had been drawn away to a far, far country, never to return. This light was a more calming variety, one that drew him in and banished all that was cold and distant. No, it’s not the light…or even this place. He realized, feeling a lithe form against his back. It’s her… "You came to see me again…" She seemed so weak now, speaking barely above a whisper. His heart went out to her; it seemed she had paid a heavy price to assist him. No words could ever describe my gratitude. "Even though you’re on the verge of falling apart, neh?" He couldn’t respond to that. It was hard enough to know she had saved him one more time. How could he deal with that beautiful place…the place between reality and his mind, the place that had rescued him, the place that he was somehow in once more? It didn’t faze him though. At that moment, nothing could surprise him more than the beauty of his surroundings. Suddenly, they stood upon a field of flora, surrounding them for miles. Devil’s curse, roses, riddle thorns, baby’s breath, every flower imaginable lay before his feet. Far off to his east, his eyes could make out a shoreline of gold. It was merely a strip of rich color though, far away in the distance. To the west stood hundreds of trees, majestic sentinels of such a blessed land. An ancient temple towered above the trees before it…a forgotten sanctuary of some long dead race. White light washed over the sky above, cautious yet comforting in the gentle heat of its glow. The warmth rose high above a green landscape, stretching out to the end of reality. Willow leaves rustled, dancing merrily in the wind. Floating on the breeze, the scent of jasmine tickled his nose in playful hello. Her body shifted slightly with each breath, brushing slightly against him every moment that passed. They were so close now. His body tingled with the warmth she gave him without ever asking anything in return. This dream is real, he thought, awestruck. Like something out of the lore of old…a childhood story. "Many stories have an odd way of telling the truth." She whispered. "Sometimes, all you have to do is ask and they come to life before your eyes." "So is this really…?" He didn’t have to finish that thought for her to know what he asked. "The Promised Land, Illuvirin. The temple out west is known as Mithraela. It’s all that remains of a great city built by the zecta before their voyage across the Oraethian Sea, the sea between worlds. It is said to be connected to the Forgotten City in Raea…a link between worlds, if such a thing exists." "What…who are you?" He asked, resisting the urge to turn around. "Are you-" "I can’t tell you everything...not yet." She replied. "Don’t waste your thoughts on me. I’m really not anything special. I’m just a girl with…a gift. Reading a person…it’s a simple art. You’re the only one to act as my test subject in such a matter."
"I doubt you’re that simple." He replied, turning his head up to the sky. "You…you just seem so incredible." "Not really. You’re something else though. I know rules can be pushed a little but you’ve broken a thousand of them, fighting with the Ezpers like that." His heart stopped for one agonizing second. "By the stars...you know what’s wrong with me?"
"Wrong with you? Nothing’s wrong with you, unless you call knocking about Hell’s kitchen a problem." She replied. "No, you’re just going through a rough patch. Unfortunately, you’re enough of a magical enigma that the Ezpers, the demons of our world have taken notice. They love people with emotional baggage. Seem to think it makes them an easy meal. But you’ve proven them wrong, though. You’ve survived longer than most ever hope to. A very strong soul resides within you. That’s why they won’t leave you. Ezpers like a challenge even more. But you’re strong. You’re special in a way most people could never be. No one has to deal with what you do when they lose something dear. No one has to fight their way through Hell to claim what they need." She fell silent for a moment. Somehow, not hearing her speak caused unease to sweep through him like the plague. What does she mean? Hating the silence, he pressed her further. "What…what am I supposed to fight for? What do I need?" "You don’t always need something to keep going. The one thing that keeps many people going is the knowledge that there is something left in this world besides grief. Something like love… or hope, for those who are brave enough to snatch it." "Hope…?" "Hope for that one thing that will make your life worth living, create some joy in your heart…the one thing that makes you feel that after everything you’ve been through, there is still some good in this world. Surprising, yes, but in the best of ways. Sometimes, it’s truly awe-inspiring." "Is that enough, though? Enough to keep living?" "Sometimes, it’s enough to make things feel alright…" He couldn’t let her finish. Whirling around with a speed that surprised him, he grabbed her shoulders, bent down and hissed in her ear. "You think it’s alright? Nothing is alright! You didn’t have to see her dead body! You didn’t feel her fear, her pain…You don’t have to live with the moments I feel, the moments where I realize why I was such an idiot. I left her because I was weak, because I was selfish, because of so many reasons that can all rot in Hell because nothing’s ever going to be alright!" Burying his face in her soft black hair, he felt tears sting his eyes as he continued. "Don’t you see? Nothing will ever be alright…not without her. I could feel her despair. Her pain was enough to feel from miles away. She was shaking in fear but braver than anyone I have ever known. She was better than anything in this world…better than me, better than…she’s…she’s gone…" He could feel her hair getting damper but he couldn’t care. Pulling her down with him, they crashed into the flowers below them. She turned around and wrapped her arms around him, holding firm while he tried desperately to jerk away. Finally, he gave in as she rested her head on his. Please, he begged silently. Please, please help me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Does it hurt?" "It's not as bad as some things." "Like what?" "Like not saying goodbye the day she was killed. I said it everyday...goodbye, be safe, see you at home...I love you. Everyday like a mantra. Ten words I always said...and she always came home, everyday. but I didn't say it that day." "What happened?" "I was such a fool." "What happened?" "I had a mark I'd been tracking for close to two weeks...good price, great challenge. And my partner... he had found a lead, a major one. But she had wanted to spend the day with me, just the two of us...we hadn't spend time together for such a long time."
" 'Later', I said. I repeated it so many times... she was as stubborn as me though. What a fool I was...'By Raea, we'll do this later, just leave me alone!' "
"You should have seen the look in her eyes when she heard me say that." "She cared greatly about you." "More than you know...I had never said that to her before. Why would I? She was the closest person to my heart...like family...It seemed so simple. It was too simple. With ten words, I kept her. With ten words, I lost her." "I was such a fool." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "She couldn’t keep still for a second." He whispered later, the two of them sitting back to back in that field of wonder. "She was far too curious. How things worked…why things were. She couldn’t rest until she knew what she wanted to know. And she knew she wanted to help him. She knew he could, he would kill her. But she wanted to help him…she just wanted to be a little curious. In the end…that was what destroyed her. More than anything, I think…I want to hate her for it." "Perhaps in the end, what you really want…" She replied, her voice barely audible. "Maybe it’s something you’ve never expected." "What?" He asked, confused. "You don’t want to go back…You don't want to be what you once were. That’s easy to understand." "But I let her die. That’s even easier." "Maybe what you really want is something you can’t understand. What she wanted, what you wanted, you seem to believe that none of it matters. But it does…it just does. Your dreams…they’re more beautiful than you give them credit. Maybe what you need is to erase your boundaries…do what you have to and ‘dream that reclusive dream’." Standing up, she pushed her hair behind her ears and continued. "You just…you’re a strange person. I could write a book on you today and tomorrow, you’d reveal things about you that could fill thousands of libraries. But what makes me wonder the most…and what probably makes you curious as well, is just…why do you keep coming?" He stiffened. Why do I keep coming? He wondered, a sigh escaping his lips slowly. Why did this one question confuse him so thoroughly? Why did she ask him that of all things? She must already know the reason…he realized. She just wants me to figure it out for myself. "Smart kid." She replied, a smile in her voice as she began walking off. "Once you figure it out for yourself…you won’t need me anymore." "I won’t? But…what about your promise? If I need you...you'll be here...right?" "I’ll hold to that forever. Wherever you go, I’ll be right here if you need me. But if you’re ever to break away from your sorrow, you have to wake up from the dream. Today, the time we have now is important. That’s why you have to figure out my question…and how to answer it. In the end, that’s your boundary. You break past it and you’ll be able to live out your dreams without any fear of death or loneliness. Leave it alone and you’ll have to deal with that for the rest of your life, knowing that you could have broken free and you were too afraid to. But you’ve got a good head on your shoulders…you know what to do." His eyes wandered aimlessly, still computing her words. Pondering the question, his eyes fell upon a fragile but stunning zyrukan tiger lily. Mom’s favorite flower…He closed his eyes in self-disdain. You once told me to choose a dream I truly believed in and to hold onto it for as long as I could.
'I had a dream once...a dream with mother.' You whispered, a veil rising over your eyes. 'I held onto that dream...but I still lost a piece of it when she was lost to the shadows. That's why I need you to stick with your dreams, to never run from them. I need you to tell me what's it like not to run from your dreams...to realize the magick of making them come true.' I never got to tell you, did I? "Wait." He said, scrambling to his feet and turning to face her retreating form. "Please wait." She stopped. Do you remember the old days? I do. Back then, I would have done anything to see your dull eyes light up…to see your smile, the one my whole world revolved around. It didn’t change anything, no matter how hard I tried. You wept without remorse, cradling me in your arms like some stolen prize. It was the same thing every night. You would look at me long and hard and ask if I wanted a father, a real home, real friends. You never could see past the shadows, no matter how many times I reassured you of my happiness. No matter how much love I gave you, you would still see the darkness in your dreams. You would still scream in the depths of the night and forever, we would flee from the dreams we craved so purely, the death we knew was still in store. Moments passed without a word, the breeze sifting through the silence wearily. I never realized it but all this time, even when you stopped running, I kept going.
Finally, he spoke. "Everyone told me there was nothing I could do. Those words held some magick over other people. So I tried and tried. It never worked though! All I felt was regret…" "What do you keep coming?" She repeated monotonously. "I think…I, I want to be forgiven." He stuttered nervously. "No, I want, I need to be forgiven." He could sense her approval even before she spoke, her gentle warmth returning to her words. "By who?" What? Already, he could feel their time coming to an end. Not now…please not yet. He had so much more to ask of her, so many more questions that only she could answer. She can’t go yet. Why has our time run out so soon? His frantic thoughts came to a still as he felt her warm hands close his eyes gently. "Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything. Just got a little something for you." What is she doing, he wondered as he felt her hand grasp his reassuringly. Taking her hand off his closed eyes, she placed a smooth yet intricately cut object into the palm of his hand. Closing his fingers over it, he could feel the overwhelming magick of the object coursing through his hands and into his body. Warm…whatever this is, it’s filled with her warmth. Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him in a silent farewell. Finally, she leaned up to his ear.Please...please call my name. "May this be your light…in the shadows of your thoughts." She whispered, her voice growing fainter as the world around them began to fade. "We will meet again."
Reaching for her hand frantically, he fell headfirst into the light. Call my name…I need another chance. ‘Rais?’ He opened his eyes. | 
Name Bob...no, it's definitely Teelz
